Bite Me

Ramona likes to bite.

When she is excited and happy during breastfeeding, she will occasionally give me a nip. I think it’s because the first couple of times she did it, the shock made me laugh out loud. Not a joyful laugh, it was 100% shock. But she didn’t know that.

However, she’s two now and she does know that I don’t like it, that it hurts mummy. She knows this because I have told her this very clearly. And that, if she does it, then the milk stops. I’ll hug her, kiss her, hold her, sing the same lullaby and put her to bed. But no more milk because of the choice that she made. 

Tonight she nipped me - she was excited because she spent the previous night with grandparents and was happy to be with me, to be sat in the dark listening to her songs and giggling with me while feeding. She nipped me and I warned her - don’t bite, it hurts mummy. If you do it again, no more milk. And she grinned at me, her eyes totally alive and happy, and she did it again.

So I pulled her up, pulled my top down and told her milk time was over. She pulled at my top and said “more more” but I refused. She sat up in my arms, her nose an inch from mine and cried while staring into my eyes. I told her how much I love her, how I’m so happy to be with her but she can’t bite me and I’ve warned her. I asked her to repeat what I told her, if she remembered me warning her and she said yes. She said “no biting mummy”. And she cried.

I honestly had to fight my own tears but I stayed resolute. My glorious daughter is whip smart - she absolutely understands a warning but decided to ignore it because she was in a hype mood. And I felt wicked for bringing that mood to an abrupt end but I hate it when she bites me because she knows not to do it. 

But I really hated how sad she was, how shocked she was that the fun was over and how I was cross with her. Even though I was stroking her head and telling her how much I love her, she felt the change. And I know I was in the right but it was rough. 

I sang the lullaby and kissed her and followed the rest of our routine. And she giggled and played and brightened back up once she realised I still love her but milk was absolutely off the table.

I’m so glad we were able to bring it back to normal and she really was fine but it affected me to the point where I’m writing this instead of reading for book club. I had to get it down and hopefully off of my spirit. 

I think part of the reason why I can’t shake it is because I really love that time with her and I know she was just getting carried away because she was happy to be with me. And it would have been so easy just to ignore the bite, to let her keep feeding and trying to push her feet into my mouth. But there have to be boundaries. And I’m learning that those boundaries need to be set and kept by the both of us.