Let Them Eat Cake! Misconceptions when #raisinggirls

I never wanted a princess.

I wanted a little warrior, boy or girl.

I wanted a world breaker; a child that was loud and strong and confident. All of the things that I wasn’t able to be as a child.

I thought that meant staying away from pink and dresses that made climbing difficult and definitely no stereotypically female toys like prams and baby dolls. We gave her instruments and wooden toys, toys that are noisy and light up and piles and piles of books filled with bold characters. 

It didn’t matter that every time we left the house someone would congratulate me on my beautiful ‘son’; that meant nothing to me. All that mattered was my baby who was bright and bold and brave.

For some choices, like clothes and shoes, I'm glad we did it. Most retailers should be ashamed of themselves for the clothing they produce for young girls.

But for others, like refusing to buy certain toys, I think I may have been mistaken.

Despite avoiding anything stereotypically girly, I noticed a few months ago that Ramona was being really caring for her animal toys - wanting to put them to bed, sit them in chairs, feed them from her cup and started asking after them when she entered a room.

Her grandparents told us that, when she stays with them, she plays with a doll and a pushchair and absolutely loves it, trailing the doll behind her as she runs through their home.

So it was only at home that she wasn't able to nurture and play in a way that she clearly loved. My own bizarre misconceptions about raising a #girlboss or whatever actually meant that there were experiences that she loved having with others that she wasn’t able to have with me. And that broke my heart.

I did the modern mother thing and went straight to Google, reading as many articles, blogs and peices of research that I could find and realised how important that type of play is for her development; that it teaches her how to care and look after others, how to share and is stellar for her imagination

We got her a doll straight away; a lovely, soft mixed race ragdoll-esque beauty in a dark green corduroy dress and it has been delightful to watch how much she loves it. She named it Baby and often wants to kiss her first thing in the morning. She puts her to bed on the sofa cushions, draping fabric or pieces of paper over her and pats her back, singing her to sleep. If we set up the table for drawing, Ramona pulls a seat up for Baby so that she can watch and cackles when I hold Baby’s hand so that she can draw a cat, a car or whatever else Ramona demands.

At Christmas, my sister gifted Ramona with a tea set and she is completely delighted with it. She has made tea for everyone, constantly wants to have a tea party - i think we’re up to 8 parties in one day - and even held up a cup and cake to the window for her best friend (I've promised to invite her friend round as soon as this omicron nonsense has settled).

Having tea parties has allowed me to have fun with her in new ways. She gets to see me be silly but also caring (how could i possibly have more cake when Baby and Teddy’s teacups are empty?!)

I sit and watch her pour cups of tea for Teddy and Baby, giggling and shoving tin pieces of cake into everybody’s mouths. My own completely out of character beliefs meant that Ramona didn’t get to have these moments or share them with me as early as she might have done. I was so concerned about somehow stunting her growth that I was blinkered to the real benefits and innocent joy of it all.

Where I went wrong is the strange misconception that her clothing and toys would somehow subdue the wild child in her; a thought process that doesn’t even make sense to me now. In no other part of my life would I make such a silly connection between personality and toys or clothing! But this is, I guess, a perfect example of how becoming a mother and caring so desperately for somebody else, can make you forget your own common sense at times.

Because my darling daughter is a tyrant, a whirlwind, a genius, a brute, a softie and a comedian. And none of that has anything to do with what she plays with.